Instruments

I can’t believe it has been almost 2 years since the accident. And there are so many others. Other trauma victims. Other moms and dads and family and friends of trauma victims. And don’t forget the grandparents. I have a sweet friend who comes alongside families at the end of life. She always says she feels sorriest for the grandparents. Because they are most ill-equipped for it. For outliving their grandchild of all things. For watching their child lose a child.

We did not lose Silas. And I am so thankful for that. Every single day.

Last week, Silas and I were so blessed to speak at an event honoring Si’s medical team. It was amazing. It was a dream come true. In my most hopeful moments just after the accident, I would envision just that. Us thanking them. For the incredible care. For being instruments in the Redeemer’s hands.

So many of you road the roller coaster/torture device with us after the accident. Thank you for caring so much and for praying. You were instruments as well.

Silas did an incredible job thanking his team. He was vulnerable and clear. He made sure that they understood that he understood just what they had done for him. It was so sweet. It was between him and them.

I would like to share my speech. Mostly because these people do not get enough credit. Or any at times…

“Hi. My name is Cindy. I am Silas’s mom. Silas is our second oldest child. Since birth, he has been a true joy and delight. I have always thought of him as easy. He slept through the night early, he didn’t cry much, he went through all the developmental stages just as he should, he made friends easily, he thrived in school. He is easy-going and kind. He is a helper. He is absolutely hysterical.

At just 14 years old, on May 31, 2022 something terrible happened to Silas. And my brain had no ability to process it. He had always been so easy you know.

That morning I had some young moms over with their littles to swim in our back yard swimming pool. That is a summer Tuesdays tradition at our house. I was in the pool myself. When I got out of the water at 12:15 to check my phone I had 18 missed phone calls from the same number. One I didn’t recognize. I also had missed a text from my friend Elizabeth. Her son was at camp with Silas. It said, “Call camp. There has been an accident.”

And that was the beginning of my nightmare. I had no ability to cope with this. With something bad happening to Silas. He had always been so easy you know.

I called camp. One of the camp directors answered the phone. She was crying. She immediately began telling me what had happened. My brain could not process what she was saying. I only understood bits and pieces. Silas had been hit in the head by a tree. Life star was there. He was unresponsive.

In the next hour, I did things. I don’t know how. I called close family to relay the news. I got childcare for my other 4 children. I put clothes on over my wet bathing suit. Ryan and I left the house and drove to the hospital. Not knowing that we would not be together as a family for 20 days.

When we arrived it was surreal. And we actually beat LifeStar. We were frustrated by that at first. Silas needed medical care. I have learned since then that he was getting excellent care while on that helicopter. Not only were they caring for him. They were investing in him.

Once Silas arrived at UT the trauma team assessed him. They brought us back to the trauma bay and we got to see him. It was surreal. He was unresponsive of course, but he looked good. We were encouraged. The trauma team was encouraged as well. They said that the initial scans looked good. The skull had done it’s job. It was cracked because it had taken the impact. The team told us that Silas would be moved to ICU while we waited for him to wake up.

In the ICU, our nurse was named Joely. I love this woman. She cared about Silas so much. She was immediately his advocate. His voice. She performed neurological assessments. Constantly. At first, I remember thinking it was a little much. I soon learned that she was doing that because she was very concerned. Actually, alarmed would probably be more accurate. But she did her best not to let me know that for as long as possible. She knew I was processing. Silas had always been easy you know.

Eventually, Joely saw the reality of Silas’s neurological situation. She went and got doctors and insisted on another CT scan. It came back and it was bad. Really bad.

Joely’s shift ended at 7 that night. I remember being so sad about that. Who else would take such excellent care of Silas. And of me. Joely assured me that our night nurses where the best of the best.

Enter Angela and Kendal. Angela was the lead and Kendal was in training. And boy did the good Lord know that we needed them. They were such a comfort. They were so kind and gentle with Silas. They were so patient with Ryan and I. Those ICU rooms are tiny. The 4 of us were climbing all over each other trying to support Silas. Each in our own way. At 10, they brought in a chair for me to sleep in while Ryan went to the waiting room. I talked to those ladies all through the night. They answered all of my questions. They listened to me talk about Silas and the incredible boy that he is. And they fell in love with him too. They checked on me all through that night right along with Silas.

After that first night, the events are more blurry. I remember a lot but not necessarily in chronological order. There are a lot of reasons for that. One, my processing was not up to speed. I couldn’t seem to wrap my mind around our circumstances. It had every characteristic of a nightmare. Surely I would wake up. There was no way this was really happening. Silas had always been so easy you know.

As the hours and days ticked by I had to accept the reality of the situation. Silas was so sick. It was very possible that he would not survive. It was very possible that if he did survive he would be a very different boy.

Our days in the ICU were so long and so hard. There were so many times that Silas was hanging on by a thread. His blood pressure was too high or too low. His ICP was trending up. He got pneumonia and the flu. He developed another brain bleed. It was so so so much.

People always ask me how I got through it. Without a doubt my Father in heaven got me through it. He never left our side. And as always, His provisions are perfect. He continually supplied the most amazing people.

So many stand out to me.

Dr. Funkhauser. Man he was burdened for Silas. And for Ryan and I. He had to deliver hard news to us on multiple occasions. I felt almost as bad for him as I did for us.

I remember Dr. Nicolas. He came by and checked on Silas a lot. He had a son the same age. He kept telling us how much he cared for Silas. He cried with us. Unbelievable.

I remember Dr. Savage. Oh how I love this woman. She was so so so protective of Silas. She was adamant that his brain was ok and that he just needed to rest. And I think there is some pretty good evidence that she was right. She was so patient with Ryan and I. Her explanations and drawings were exactly what we needed.

Brian and Abi. They were there every step of the way. They would listen. They would educate. Whatever was needed.

Dr. Hecht. He evaluated Silas soon after he woke up. He offered so much wisdom and hope. And he fought for Silas to go home with his family instead of residential rehab. Good call. 20 days apart was long enough.

The ICU nurses. They were with us day after day after day. For the ups and for the downs. They were so so so emotionally invested. There was one ICU day that was particularly horrible. Things were looking so bad for Silas. I was bawling. Our nurse Jessica was too. There was another day where everything was worse. Courtney let me cry on her shoulder. Actually, if I’m being honest, that happened more than once. And Sydni. She would write bible verses on the dry erase board. And sweet Brooke. She was new. She was only technically with us for one day but she came and checked on us a lot. She was in it for the long haul. Michelle. She was with us for several days early on. Ryan had so many questions for her. He would say, “Michelle, question…” She started greeting him with “Ryan, question.” Perfect. We all needed some good ol sarcasm. Rachel, Bailey, and Brittany, They loved Silas instantly. They cared deeply. Laura. She was there on the day Silas walked for the first time. She supported him every step of the way. Candice. I loved it when she came around. She was a manager. She was always so optimistic and so team Silas. On his first day walking she walked backwards in front of him the whole 4 minutes. She kept saying, “Keep your eyes up here. Look at me. You will go where your eyes go. We don’t want you on the floor.” Rebekah. She dug in on Day 17 and insisted that Silas be given a room away from the ICU. The delirium was so bad. She knew he needed a change of scenery. All of Si’s nurses took such incredible care of him. They were ready and able to do whatever was needed. They thought outside the box.

I know that there are so many others that I cannot remember by name. But from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands.

Every morning, when I see Silas for the first time I am overwhelmed with thankfulness. I am thankful to my God and Father, the creator and sustainer of life. I am thankful for His provision of the most incredible medical team for Silas. And I am so thankful for sweet Silas and his precious life. I am so thankful that he is healthy and strong and hysterical. I am so thankful that he is himself. He has always been so easy you know.”