Today is my Favorite

I don’t know how other people do it. Bloggers I mean. I bet they have a particular format and a plan. Nope. Not me. And that’s interesting because I am such a planner in general. I love writing things in my calendar and on my to do list. Then I get to check them off later. Perfection. But, my blogging seems to be more about the unplanned things. The things that just happen. And what I learn along the way. I learn the most from the things that are out of my control.

Lately, life is pointing to something. But, honestly it’s something that I don’t like to think about. Much less talk about. But for some reason, I feel like writing about it. Because when I write, I just go. And go. I don’t worry about if it flows perfectly or if I am making everyone happy. I just write.

I was walking with a friend. We were discussing how big God is. And how He can use even the most difficult circumstances of life for His Glory. And He can even make those circumstances joy-filled. Because he changes our hearts and our perspectives.

Of course that made me think of our sweet Caleb. When the truth was coming to light in those early days, I really could not imagine a worse fate. For him. For me. For Ryan. His future felt doomed. And so did ours.

Looking back, the issue is so clear. Caleb was an idol. A big one. I had begun idolizing him long before he was even born. I just knew he would be smart and athletic and funny. I knew he would have all the friends. And Ryan and I. Would be such proud parents.

I don’t think words can express the level of my misery. And then, God began to change my heart and my perspective. I began to see God’s hand. And I began to trust it. And I saw the beauty of Caleb and our entire situation. I couldn’t worry about the days and weeks and years ahead. I had to focus on today. Today became my favorite.

And it’s a good thing. If I had looked ahead. To where we are now. It would have been far too much. But by today, in God’s perfect plan, I am equipped. I am so thankful for God’s provision of today.

Caleb had his 16 year old check up this week. Dr. Glover was reminiscing about Caleb as a baby. About how sick and tiny he was. About how none of us knew what to expect. Dr. G is so proud of what Caleb has become. And so am I. So very proud. But it’s also weird. Because back then if I could have looked into the future and seen 16 year old Caleb…. I would have gone ahead and had that nervous breakdown. So what’s the deal? What changed? It’s so simple. God is so big. And He can mold even the hardest heart.

Worship is an equalizer. Everyone can worship in one way or another. Watching and hearing Caleb sing praises to our Lord. There is nothing like it. NOTHING like it. He sings so loud. So off-key. But there is ALL THE JOY. It is contagious. It is heart-warming and heart- melting.

Last week several people came to me after church talking about Caleb and Silas worshipping together. They talked about how touching it was. How they couldn’t help but cry. How they had to snap a picture because it was too precious to forget.

I had no idea way back then. I had no idea what God could do. With one sweet and tender little boy. Whose body and mind are not like anyone else. I had no idea about the simple joys that I would experience. Daily. I had absolutely no clue that sweet Caleb would teach all of us so much about love. And about worship at it’s simplest.

I don’t want to miss what God is doing today. What a tragedy that would be.