Surrounded

Life. We all come at it a little bit differently. We all have different personalities, experiences and perspectives. And God can use all of that.

I come at life with all the confidence. I start the day thinking it will be great. When I meet people I assume they will like me. When they don’t… well, it takes me awhile to even realize it. When I speak, I feel like people are interested in what I have to say. Am I really confident or am I just obnoxious? I think it depends on who you ask.

When the difficult circumstances of life come crashing in, I work even harder to keep my optimistic perspective. That makes me happy, that makes other people happy…. actually, it’s an expectation.

When it’s too much. When it’s too heavy. When I lose my footing….. it becomes a slippery slope real quick. And the devil has room to scheme in my life.

I lost my footing this week. And I was falling fast.

Our sweet Caleb requires so much care. Special care. As his parents, Ryan and I do a lot of that ourselves. Then there is the support team….. Our other children, my parents, Ryan’s parents, our siblings, our church, our neighbors, our friends. I am so thankful for God’s provision of the support team.

But there are times we can’t do it ourselves. There are times that the support team can’t help us make it happen. So, we reach out to the professionals. And boy has God provided…. Dr. Glover, Dr. Lovejoy, Dr. Martus, Deanne, Rachel, Jade, Mrs. Rosie, Mrs. B, Lil… those are just the first few names that come to my mind but the list goes on and on.

This week a professional failed us. Big time. And it was the end of the road. A dead end. It has been so hard on Caleb. It has been so hard on Ryan and I. It has been so hard on our support team. Because they care that much.

Having a special needs child is extremely isolating. On so many levels. The guilt is isolating. It’s just so much and so crushing. But you can’t talk about it. What if someone agrees that it’s your fault. The schedule is isolating. The therapies, the doctor’s appointments, the calls with insurance. It leaves little time for anything else. That special child is isolating. People don’t know what to do or say. So they often don’t say anything. They leave you alone.

In the beginning, I gave into that isolation. I didn’t fight for a life for us. Then, the Lord began to change my heart. I saw the beauty of our situation and I found ways to share it. I taught people how to be with Caleb. I had people into our home. A lot. And that became our pattern.

This week I let myself go back there. Back to isolation. So it really is true that a professional that should have helped Caleb, didn’t. Sadly, it’s true. Until this experience I never even considered that was a thing… for someone to choose not to help. It was upsetting for sure. But somehow, my mind went down the wrong track. To things that are not true. I started to believe that we were isolated in every way. That we really had no one. That no one really cares for us. And once my mind went there I couldn’t get it back…. back to sensible. Back to sober-minded. Even worse, I couldn’t stop crying.

But now for the good part. God’s provision. Bits and pieces of God’s Word started coming to my mind. I thought about how he calls us to be sensible in Titus. How he calls us to seek wisdom in James. How he calls us to put on the full armor of God (including truth!) in Ephesians. And how he calls us to carry one another’s burdens in Galatians.

I reached out. To several sisters in Christ. I told them I was struggling. I asked for prayer. And they loved on me big. Because they care. Because I am not alone.

In Ephesians 6 we are commanded to “put on the full armor of God so that we can stand against the schemes of the devil.” God has given us everything we need for life and living. We are set up for success. But, every part of that armor has to be in place. The devil wants nothing more than to watch us fail. When I was immobilized by the burdens on my back, the very burdens I am commanded not to carry, the devil was getting his way.

I was reminded this week that I am not alone. God loved me so much that he sent his son to die on the cross for my sins. Then, he gave me the Holy Spirit, an ever-present comfort. Then, he gave me His Word which literally has every truth that I need. Then, he gave me brothers and sisters in Christ to do life with. I am most definitely not alone. I am surrounded.