A Caleb-sized hole

Do you remember how I mentioned that Caleb is super connective? I have really never seen anything like it. You would not believe how many lives that sweet boy has impacted. Men, women, children…. they are impacted by him. God uses Caleb. When he was three years old I completely accepted that he had special needs. Over and over I said to myself, “God will use him. He will be able to serve the Lord.” Those words were a balm to my soul. And I have seen it again and again. There are the people that I think, “Oh you have to meet my sweet Caleb. You will just love him!” They meet him and love him. Yep. No surprise. Then, there are the people that I would never expect. And those are the sweetest connections. Those are the people that really had a Caleb-sized hole in their heart.

Our children all think that everyone needs Caleb. They truly feel sorry for those who don’t know him. Just today Silas said, “Caleb is so happy. He loves absolutely everything.” What prompted that comment? Well, we took Caleb to school today. As we were pulling up to drop him off one of his teachers, Ms. Molly, was heading inside with another student. She happened to turn back and see Caleb. When he realized she was coming back for him he started yelling so excitedly, “Yeah! Yeah! That girl see me!” It means so much to him. To be seen. To be known. To be loved. To be wanted. Any of that. All of that. His heart is constantly overflowing with all the love he feels from others and all the love he feels for others.

Last week Alexa informed me that she is going to have a special needs child when she grows up. I thought that was really sweet until she asked me how she could make that happen. I explained that as a pregnant mama you can’t do that on purpose. She was genuinely disappointed until I told her that she could adopt a special needs child. At first she was excited then she got sad. “Mom, why would anyone not want to keep their special needs baby? They are the best kind.” In her mind and heart, Caleb is truly the jackpot. She really cannot imagine her life without him.

Words truly cannot express how honored I am to be the mother of each of my fabulous 5. It is deeply humbling. Being Caleb’s mother has taught me more about God’s provision than I knew could be learned. I have seen it again and again. A need. A provision. A need. A provision. Again and again. Caleb’s ability to connect all on his own is a provision. It was once a need. There was a time when Caleb’s connections required my assistance. I had to interpret. People simply could not understand him. He didn’t have the words for what he wanted to say anyway.

Now, Caleb connects all by himself. In his very own way. Last week someone told me about a connection that Caleb is trying to make. With someone who is resistant. She told me all the steps that Caleb had taken in pursuit of this relationship. He is not giving up. He is determined. He feels confident that person has a Caleb-sized hole in their heart. I think so too. Let’s all pray for success. It would be such a blessing to both of them!

Meet Nick. He came into our lives last summer. We hired him to build a retaining wall around our pool. Caleb was drawn to him immediately. He saw something in Nick. Something special. The feeling was mutual. Caleb would run out and hug Nick and say, “I so happy see you Nick. I love you. I miss you.” And Nick, tough Nick, would say it all right back calling Caleb “boss.” So precious. On the last day of the retaining wall project they were both sad. They couldn’t imagine not seeing each other every day. Nick asked for a picture.

Through Caleb, we all grew to love Nick. Collin plans to work for him the day he turns 15. Not long ago, Nick was on our street and stopped by to say hi. Caleb invited him for coffee, then for dinner. Then, he asked Nick to stay and tuck him in! Tuck him in! Only Caleb! Nick ended up tucking in all of our 7:30 bedtime kids…. Caleb, Collin and Alexa. He tucked them in like burritos. It was so funny! They literally couldn’t move. They all loved it so much and talked about it for weeks after. This is what Caleb does. He breaks down the barriers that keep us all from loving people better. He loves with every bit of himself that he has to give. He holds nothing back. He says all the things that the rest of us feel but are afraid to say. He is utterly and completely vulnerable. And God blesses him.