Sunshine Soldier

Many of you know that I ran a marathon on March 27th. My first to be exact. You may know because you have heard me talk about my training for the last 4 months. You may know because you committed to pray for me on race day. You may know because you saw me sporting my “Marathon runner” shirt every day for the last week. You may know because you got behind me in car-line and were forced to see my “Knoxville marathon 26.2” window sticker. Or you may know because one of my proud family members told you. My dad literally bought me a plaque. Yep. No joke.

I have been processing the experience. I actually thought a lot about what I would write while I was running the race. And I had a lot of time to think. That is for sure.

So I have to start by saying I trained hard. So hard. I ran every prescribed long run and most of the runs in between. I stretched like a champ, before and after. I was terrified that I would get injured. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I focused on nutrition. I cross trained. I got all the gear. I picked my race day shirt (a mama bear with 5 cubs…. so adorable!!!!). And I planned. I made lists and schedules. I even figured out what time I would be at each mile marker…. and my family marveled when I was almost exactly right!

I was ready.

And when I look back on the last 4 months I am so thankful for my training. I am thankful I prioritized it. I am thankful for a healthy body. That really is a blessing straight from the Lord that I take for granted daily. I am thankful for my family and friends that stood by me. Some literally. Some from afar. They prayed for me. They encouraged me. They were so excited for me.

I finished the race. And I finished pretty much when I expected that I would. But, I did not finish how I thought I would. Which was basically feeling like death. If not for my training and my people, I am confident that I would not have finished at all.

Despite the very best laid plans, two critical elements did not go as planned. First of all, I forgot my phone. That meant no music, no podcasts and no communication with my people. When that harsh reality hit, I had to mourn the loss. And keep running. Second, I could not stomach my nutrition. For those of you who don’t know much about distance running, nutrition is a big deal. You have to fuel your body during the long runs. During my training runs I used “gu” and fitness water. Well, on my last long training run I got a stomach bug. I did not think about the aversion to gu and fitness water that would induce. So, on race day, the very thought of those things made me physically ill. So, I ate almost nothing. And I drank almost nothing.

The wall. People who know anything about marathons ask me about it…. “Did you hit the wall?” Oh yes I did. With a vengeance. But it was not when I expected. I hit the wall at mile 25. Mile 25! How can that be?! But it be. I could not believe the mental and physical battle that ensued at mile marker 25. My mind was on a reel. “Just stop. Just sit down. 25 miles is far enough. You have basically done it.” My legs weighed a thousand pounds. Obviously that is an exaggeration. Realistically, probably more like 900. And that mile is so desolate. Especially going over the bridge. The only human I saw was one lone photographer whose only goal in life was to take the worst possible picture of me. Seriously, I’m not even kidding. When I saw it I was like “Why did no one tell me that I am hideous?! I’ve just been walking around without a clue!” Silas assured me that is not what I actually look like. Yeesh. I don’t know what to think.

But then there was the bright side. There always is one right? That silver lining. I can honestly say I experienced my first marathon to the fullest. I honestly think I remember every step. I gave all the little ones cheering along the course a high five. I read every sign. My favorite was the one at mile 19 that said “Turn back! It’s a trap!” I laughed out loud at that. I loved seeing my people. My family was at mile 13, mile 21 and at the finish. I COULD NOT WAIT to see their sweet faces and boy did they meet and exceed my expectations. They were cheering, they were smiling, they were high fiving, they had signs. It was so amazing! I also absolutely loved being apart of the Crossway Bible Church relay team. They were so very encouraging to me. I got to see Jennifer Fee, Kellie Evans and my sweet Silas during the course of the race. Each of those interactions was so timely. So exactly what I needed.I saw Si at mile 13 when he was waiting for his baton and mile 16 when he passed me. But when he stepped off the sidelines at mile 26.1. Well, he was a gift straight from the Lord. He ran me home. I’m not sure what I would have done without his words of encouragement right in my ear.

As I have processed my first marathon experience, I realized how beautifully it demonstrates what our lives as believers should be. We have to be faithful to be faithful. Everyday. We have to be disciplined. We have to put in the hard work of training our minds. We have to be in God’s Word daily. To be in prayer daily. To be in fellowship with other believers within a solid Bible-teaching church regularly. If we do those things, we are equipped. To run the race with endurance.

When hard times come. When things don’t go as planned. When we hit the wall. We can carry on. Because we have done all that God has called us to do. And we are ready.

When my dear little Alexa hears someone say to me something like, “Congrats on your marathon! 26 miles is far!” She is always sure to say, “26 POINT 2 miles. The point 2 is the hardest.”

And she is right. That’s the part where all your strength is gone. There is nothing left to do but trust in the Lord. And keep going. Because only He decides when our work here is done. On that beautiful day, when He calls us home.

A hard day feels like the worst day. Often, a hard day does not stand alone. It reaches over and grabs the days next to it. Sometimes it even turns into a hard season.

Looking back at those days can be so good. So powerful. We remember to be thankful. We remember that God was with us the whole time. He never, not once, left us alone.

You know that old saying “A picture says a thousand words.” This one truly does.

When I look at those faces I see a story. I see what led us to that moment. Not just that morning. Although I remember it exactly. I see the years that led up to it. I see what led to one little boy’s damaged heart.

When I look at myself in that photo I see weariness. I was so tired. I had absolutely no idea what to do about this vicious cycle of rages and coming down from rages. I was just beginning to identify some of the triggers but there were just so many. And they were often unavoidable.

In the Lord’s goodness, I had hope. I knew that He would give us wisdom. Moment by moment. I learned that post-rage was often the best time for connection. There was a vulnerability in both of us that allowed for it deeply.

When I look at that photo I am reminded that there is always hope. Always. When the circumstances seem impossible, they never are. Because our God is so big, so strong and so mighty. There is nothing our God cannot do.

And He tells us what to do…. To press on. To seek wisdom. To love big. To give more than we receive. To be kind. To consider one another as more important than ourselves. To keep no record of wrongs….. And as you know, the list goes on an on.

He will always do His part. And He calls us to do our part.

You might be wondering why I happened to have a professional photographer in my backyard in the early morning hours. You might be wondering how such a vulnerable moment could be captured. Well, that’s something else I remember when I look at that photo. Godly friendships.

What a blessing it is to have friends that see you, that want to see you, in all the ways. They see you when you look and feel your best. They see you when you look and feel your worst. And they love you just the same.

When I look at that photo, at those faces, at those hands holding, I remember to be thankful for the hard days.

P.S. – Thank you sweet Carrie for sending me that photo out of the clear blue sky. It was so timely. I wanted to share a photo of you but of course you are ALWAYS behind the camera. We will have to remedy that! But, here is me hugging Lizzy to death!

Man. People want to say the right things. The perfect things. I have a sweet friend who lost her son in a tragic accident. It was so so so terrible. I so wanted to be that person. That person that said the perfect thing. I wasn’t. And that’s ok. Because someone did. And that’s all that really matters.

Over the years people have said so many encouraging things to me. About God’s sovereignty and goodness. About His great love for me. About His plan for my life and that He is going to work all this together for my good.

“This is happening for a reason.”

In those early (and very dark) years with Caleb I dreaded that phrase. What does it even mean? Well-intentioned people were always saying it to me. Ugh. I hated it so much. Especially when they said it with that look and that tone. Like they felt sorry for me.

As I have grown in my faith, a lot has changed. People don’t say the dreaded phrase to me very often now. I hope that’s because they see all the joy when they see me. When they do say it, or something along those lines, I am much more gracious about it now. Because I know they are just trying to say something encouraging.

This week I have found myself thinking about that old phrase a lot. Mostly when people said it they meant that God is in charge. And He will make beauty from ashes. Well, at least that’s how I started choosing to think of it.

In the beginning, Caleb’s life felt so tragic. So unfair. To all of us. For a season, I missed the beauty. And that’s ok. I’m glad I can’t change that. Because in that very dark season, I learned to look for the light. I learned that my hope, all of our hope actually, is in the Lord.

I learned to trust in the Lord. I learned He had a plan for my life. I learned that He would guide me and equip me. But He did something more. Something I never would have expected. Because not only did He have a plan for me. He had a plan for Caleb. Joy bringer. God uses our sweet boy again and again. To bring joy. To soothe hurting hearts.

Our Lord definitely made Caleb exactly as He intended. And for a reason. This week the Lord has brought to my mind just a few of those….

1. Caleb loves his people so much. So big. And the Lord knows who needs that Caleb love. Caleb has a sweet friend that is going through a hard time. A really hard time. And Caleb is a comfort to her. In his own way. In a way that no one else could do it.
2. Caleb connects so deeply. People are always commenting on Caleb and Alexa. It really is amazing. That big boy taught that little girl how to connect.
3. Caleb brings so much joy. It is truly contagious. People want to be close to him. And they want to root for him. Because it’s one small thing that they can do. To thank him for the joy that he brings.
4. Without Caleb, my heart would have never grown so large. I don’t know any other way that I could have gotten my unique ministry lenses. But now, I look around all the time. I see the hurts. I want to love and speak truth. A desire has grown in my heart to minister to other mamas of special needs children. Because it’s a lot. Because I have all the hope and all the joy. I want to help them get there too. And in God’s goodness, He is guiding me to those relationships. Again and again.

It has been a week. It was exactly what God had for me. And it all started with a reason.

I had no idea what to expect when I was handed little newborn baby Silas for the first time. Do you know what I did not expect? Wide eyes. I am really not exaggerating this… His eyes were wide open and he was looking right into mine. He did not seem like a newborn at all. He seemed so much older. He seemed like he was taking it all in.

And I believe he was.

Fourteen years ago today I was introduced to this amazing boy. And my heart has never been the same. He has been such a delight to me. When I look at sweet Silas I see God’s goodness.

These are just a few of the things that I love about him…

1. He loves God’s Word so much. He is diligent to spend time in the Word and in prayer daily. And he is continually memorizing scripture. He knows that the more he tucks away in his heart, the more equipped for life he will be.
2. He loves God’s people. He loves being with our church family. Of all ages. He loves to joke around with his buddy Jim Zehr (who is just a few years older ) or listen to the insights of Millie and Makayla (who are toddlers!).
3. He loves his parents and grandparents. He values time with all of us. He gives us all so many hugs and is so proud to now be taller than most of us.
4. He is the best brother. I mean the best brother. He was born into the role of Caleb’s younger brother. And he has been nothing but proud. He has supported, loved, encouraged and sacrificed for Caleb. Then, at 11 years old, he took on the role of being big brother to Cheyenne, Collin and Alexa. And boy was that a sacrifice. He went from sharing his parents and grandparents with 1 sibling to sharing them with 4. He dealt with the waves of trauma. He gave up his big bedroom with his own bathroom and moved down the hall to share a much smaller room with Collin. With no complaining.
5. I love his quirky (and very physical) sense of humor. He does all kinds of crazy contortions with his body. He looks ridiculous and he does not care one bit!
6. I love how teachable he is. He often recognizes his sin all on his own. When he doesn’t, and we have to confront him on something, he listens and recognizes. He repents and asks for forgiveness.
7. I love how easy he is to talk to. He listens and he cares.
8. I love that he loves me so much. Is that narcissistic? Oh well. He tells me he loves me every single day with the biggest hug. And he looks out for me. Since he was tiny, he has been trying his best to protect me. It’s so sweet.
9. I love that he is so active. He is always up for a bike ride or a trail run or a walk. We even get to run races together! It’s an actual dream come true.
10. He is such a picky and loyal friend. He is kind to everyone, but he is very picky about who he calls “friend.” His desire is always for an iron sharpening iron kind of situation.

Sweet and steadfast Silas is a gift straight from the Lord. He warms my heart every single day. I love you sweet Silas! You are truly a delight to my heart!

I cannot believe that our sweet Cheyenne is 12 years old today. If I’m being honest, I have really mixed feelings about it. I am so excited for her on one hand. But on the other hand, it’s going by way too fast.

This girl has taught me so much. About rising above. About learning people deeply. About trusting again even when it’s just so hard. Even when it seems impossible.

Cheyenne may be the most challenging of all my children. Which is weird. Because she is delightful. Absolutely delightful. But she looks deep. She does not take anything at face value. She wants to get to the bottom of people. She can’t connect unless she does. So, she watches. She listens. She asks questions. Then, she works hard to make sense of it all.

When I look at Cheyenne, I see the sovereignty of God. I see how he protected her gentle spirit. It did not get crushed. Which is a miracle.

These are just a few of the things that I love about her…

1. She is the hostess with the mostest! She loves having people in our home. She loves serving them in a way that is unique to them. She tries to think of all the things that will make them feel right at home.
2. She loves our family so much! She is so proud to be the daughter of Ryan and Cindy. To be the sister of Caleb, Silas, Collin and Alexa.
3. She loves traditions! I do too! I think they are so very special! She appreciates family movie night, the Christmas Eve box and birthday waffles.
4. She has the sweetest little quick wit. That is so my jam! Last night I was trying to braid her (gorgeous!) hair before bed. She was at my feet as I sat on the couch next to Ryan. I said, “Chey, oh my word! You are so wiggly! Look at the TV.” Her response: “That is literally the only time you have ever said that to me. And I bet the last time.”
5. She gets my wacky train of thought and jumps right in with me! Then, we laugh hysterically together while Ryan rolls his eyes. It’s pretty much my favorite.
6. She appreciates all the things we do for her. But most notably, she appreciates the tiny things. She appreciates just being thought of. She absolutely lights up when I say this or that reminded me of her.
7. She loves spending time with her people. She pretty much lives for it. Relationships mean so much to her.
8. She will try anything. Rock climbing, cross country, weird foods, any game……
9. She asks to help and means it. She will do anything I ask her to do. With a good attitude.
10. She looks for people to learn from. Constantly.
    

I am so thankful to the Lord for giving us Cheyenne to love and cherish. And I am thankful that she is soaking up every bit of it.

Happy Birthday Sweet Cheyenne! You are precious!

“The toughest ones are usually the sweetest ones.”

I’m sure that you have heard that foster care is a broken system. And it so is. However, in God’s great goodness and provision, our little 3 were well-loved inside of that system.

In those very early weeks with our newest additions…. well, let’s just say the struggle was real. For all of us. By all appearances, the most miserable by far, was Collin. He was so angry. So much of the time. He was a hot topic in most of my conversations with our caseworkers. I remember, more than once, hearing that phrase, “The toughest ones are usually the sweetest ones.” And I clung to that hope.

Here we are. Almost 3 years later. And do you know what I have learned? The toughest ones really are the sweetest ones.

Collin does not show love in the typical ways. But he does show love. Consistently. Daily. Sacrificially. And the longer I am his mama, the easier it is to identify. And it warms my heart again and again.

Nine years ago today, Collin came into this world. Words truly cannot express how thankful I am for this tenderhearted boy.

These are just a few of the things that I love about him…

1. I love that he chooses to trust us. That is such a big deal. I mean a huge deal. In the beginning he barely trusted us enough to live in the same house with us. Now he trusts us enough to guide him in his decisions. And to discipline him. Because he knows (and trusts) that it’s in love.
2. I love his humor. He is so so so dry. It’s adorable.
3. I love all the questions he has about God. I love that he is working so hard to understand what we are teaching him.
4. I love the way he serves those he loves. Last night we all went to Kroger together and grabbed what we each wanted for dinner. Collin insisted on carrying his dinner and water bottle along with my salad and water. In his tiny little arms! Then he opened my car door and waited for me to get settled then handed me all my items one by one. It was 26 degrees outside! So chivalrous!
5. I love how thankful he is! On our trip home from Boston yesterday he thanked us repeatedly. “Thank you for taking us to Boston mom and dad.” “Thank you for letting us ride on an airplane mom and dad.”
6. I love his words. He doesn’t organize words well. But I love how he is persevering in his communication. Because he knows it’s important.
7. I love how he sees what people do for him. And then he is always sure to point out what they could have done instead. “That was really nice of Papa to take me to the skate park. He could have stayed home and watched a football game.” “That was really nice of Ms. Upton to help me with my reading. She could have gotten some of her grading done instead.” “That was really nice of Dad to take us mountain biking. He could have gone on a fast ride by himself.”
8. I love that he does what we ask him to do. Because he knows that many hands make light work.
9. I love that he is seeing that God made him exactly as He intended.
10. I love that he is working hard to consider others as more important than himself. It’s a constant battle. For all of us.

I am so thankful to the Lord for giving us precious Collin. His sweet smile and giant eyes warm my heart.

Happy birthday sweet Collin! You are priceless!

I make so many mistakes. Some are out of ignorance. Some are flat out sin. Some go back and forth and in between.

As I grow in my walk with the Lord, I see my mistakes more quickly. I am quicker to confess and repent. And the evidence is there that the Lord is guiding me. He’s giving me wisdom. Through the Holy Spirit and through his Word. Through other believers.

We are all in different circumstances. And the wisdom is there for all of them. No matter how “complicated.”

I have never met anyone in my exact same circumstance. Let’s just start with one factor. The Caleb factor. I have never met anyone like Caleb. Never. So parenting him has been quite a challenge right from the start. The financial stress alone was enough to do me in. But it didn’t stop there. He had impulse control issues, sleeping issues, developmental issues, etc. For way to long, I was drowning. I was carrying a burden that was not mine to carry. I was not seeking wisdom from God’s Word or from God’s people. I was selfish and I had no desire to change that. Then, God began to change my heart. That drowning feeling lifted. My mind settled. My heart stopped thumping out of my chest. My stomach quit hurting. Relationships became a reality again in my life. And I was even able to serve.

I have lived in a fish bowl for many years. It started with Caleb. So many people are all up in our business… doctors, therapists, educators. And those are just the professionals. But there is also the public. You would not believe the things people say to me. Complete strangers. I resented the fish bowl so much in the beginning. Then, I became accustomed to it. Then, I realized it was a tool. A precious tool. God’s tool. People were watching us. It was an opportunity to shine our lights for Him.

I am still right in that fish bowl. Even more so. Because I now have 5 children. I have learned that in the eyes of many, 4 children is acceptable. Anything beyond that. Is weird.

So now, when I take my Fab 5 out anywhere, people watch us. And they often comment. But we don’t care. We are proud to be the Atkinson 7. Also, people are often quite encouraging. We hear a lot about the way that Silas, Cheyenne, Collin and Alexa treat Caleb. We also hear a lot about the way that they all treat each other. We live in a world where genuine love and kindness make quite the impact.

The hardest fish bowl for me, is the one in my home. My family is watching me. All the time. They are learning from me. The good and the bad. There is so much to figure out. So much to piece together.

I spend so much time trying to plant and water seeds of truth. If I’m being honest, sometimes it feels like an exercise in futility. And that’s hard. Really hard. But then there are the other times. The times when those truths are sticking. The times when those truths are being applied. The times when they are working hard to process those truths and believe them in their hearts.

December was a good month in my little fish bowl. I had so many “if I could only freeze time” moments.

Collin is bright. Really bright. But, communication with him can be a challenge. Because of words. He often doesn’t have the words for what he wants to say. When he does have the words, he has trouble organizing them. Then, on top of that, he has 4 siblings that talk. A lot. So he has trouble getting a word in edgewise. But, most nights, you will find Collin and I tucked away in his room from 7 to 7:30. And that is when I hear his heart. And I am so encouraged. I can’t believe this precious boy. He hasn’t missed a thing. So often I think we are not getting through to him, but really, he’s just processing….. and in the end… he gets it.

Alexa is an external processor. I pretty much know what she is thinking all the time. But in the last month, oh my goodness, I’m just so excited about what she is thinking/saying. She has talked so much about the desires of her heart. She wants to grow up to be a godly woman. In all the ways. She has also talked so much about God, our creator and sustainer of life. I was making reindeer cake pops a few weeks ago and she was right there by my side. She said, “Mom, I love how all the reindeer are just a little bit different. It reminds me of how God makes all of us different. And how he loves us all. And how he thinks we are all so beautiful.”

I read aloud to Cheyenne most nights before she goes to bed. We get cozy on my bed, she loops her left arm through my right arm, and we read. Recently, we read “The Giver” by Lois Lowry. We liked it so much that we are now reading the companion book “Gathering Blue.” Man. We had the best conversations surrounding “The Giver.” Basically, it’s about a community where absolutely everything is controlled by the government to achieve “sameness”. Everyone is assigned spouses and children and jobs. There is no sickness or sadness or anxiety. There are no trials. There is also no love. Cheyenne couldn’t stand it. She could not stand the very idea of her life without love. The book reminded her (and me!) to be thankful for it. Daily. Love is truly a gift from the Lord.

Silas is growing into a young man right before my eyes. I firmly believe that he grows taller every single night as he sleeps. The moments with him are fleeting I know. He will be 14 in February. He will be 18 in four years. He is talking more and more about his future career and family. So precious. In a lot of ways he is my friend. We absolutely love hanging out together. He has my love of running which has been such a surprise blessing! I love it when we can run together. The last week of school before Christmas he had a day off that no one else did. So, obviously we went to Dollywood and took advantage of no lines. We rode so many rollercoasters… the Wild Eagle had a zero minute wait!!!

Caleb has always been super connective and social. For many years, I was involved in his relationships. I had to translate or coach. Not anymore. He has so many friends that are his only. And they love him so much. They have come right alongside. They love spending time with him. And they now translate and coach too. What a blessing these sweet friends have been. A few weeks before Christmas I got to go on a field trip with Caleb to the mall. He had peer tutors that stayed with him the whole time. They were so above and beyond. So sweet. So encouraging. Caleb wanted to sit on Santa’s lap but he was too terrified. Those friends would not stop until it happened. We would get so close then Caleb would scream and run by as fast as he could. His friends never got frustrated. And they never gave up. Honestly, I would have. I didn’t think there was a chance in the world that he would do it. Boy was I wrong.

I sometimes grow weary of being watched. Of being in the fish bowl. But I am seeing again and again that God can use me in any circumstance. When I am thriving, when I am falling and when I am failing. God can truly use it all.

December 2021 “if I could only freeze time” moments…

Titus 3:3-7- “For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another.
But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

This precious girl came into the world 8 years ago today. Words cannot express what she means to me. What she means to so many. People fall for her hard. And they should. There is truly no one else like her.

I brag about my kids. And I’m not the least bit sorry. They are amazing. And God made them that way.

Today is Alexa’s special day so I am going to brag on her even more than usual. These are just a few of the things that I love about her…

1. She is ALWAYS ready to have fun. ALWAYS. (Thank you sweet girl for our 50s dance parties when I should have been cooking dinner!).
2. She is so kind. And she works hard at it. Even when she doesn’t feel like it or when someone is unkind to her, she always tries to respond in kindness.
3. She sees the beauty in everything and reminds me to do the same.
4. She comes alongside and truly wants to help. She will do absolutely anything we ask her to do with NO complaining.
5. She is so creative. (She made a bathing suit and swim hat for her baby doll out of balloons!).
6. She is so thankful. She tries to tell me thank you at least 10 times a day. (No seriously. That is her daily goal. To say it 10 times)
7. She has all the energy. And she wants to use it. She plays hard every day.
8. She hates screens. I love that! I do too!!! The only reason we like movie night is because it’s an excuse to snuggle!
9. She is so relational. She wants to know her people as deeply as she can.
10. She is so teachable. She owns up to her mistakes and learns from them. She is always determined to do better next time.

I am so thankful to the Lord for giving us this precious baby girl. She brings so much laughter and joy to our lives. I am so proud of the little lady that she is becoming.

Happy Birthday Sweet Alexa! You are an actual treasure!

I LOVE God’s Word. I LOVE the book of Ecclesiastes. Love. It. Over and over it reminds me that there is nothing new under the sun. That we are a vapor. That our time and resources and accomplishments are a gift from the Lord and are to be used for His glory. That there are good times and bad times, but either way, it all leads to death.

Encouraging huh?

It really is! The message of Ecclesiastes does my heart good. For so many reasons. It reminds me to run the race with perseverance. Because all that really matters is what I do for His kingdom. It reminds me that every good thing is from above. It reminds me to be thankful. It reminds me to seize the day. To live it to it’s fullest. For His glory. It reminds me that God uses the good days and the bad days and that life is full of seasons. And yes, it all ends in death. But for me, that will be a beautiful day. A perfect day because I will be with my Father in heaven.

I haven’t posted in a month. Man. Have we ever had some good days and some bad days. I have to start with a bad day. Probably the worst day I have had in a really long time. October 6, 2021. Caleb’s esophagus closed. It closed. He could not swallow a thing. Even his own saliva. So, every time he would swallow, he would vomit. It was so so so awful. As with most things in life, we just get bits and pieces. That day was full of just that. Bits and pieces. It started like any other. I got my younger 4 off to school and then got Caleb going. He always eats a breakfast burrito. Always. Not this day. He couldn’t swallow his first bite. Could not. Ryan was standing right there with me. We both thought he was choking. Then we thought he had an esophageal blockage. I called Dr. Glover and he sent us straight to the ER. He has never done that. Never. It took several hours, 2 ERs, X-rays, several specialists and a scope to discover the truth. His esophagus had closed.

Do you know what I felt that day? Peace. I knew that Caleb was safely in the Father’s hands. We all were. I saw His provisions as they came. Ryan still being home and being able to cancel his work day to be with us. The super kind ER doctor who actually took that time to care about our family. Our neighbors stepping in and getting it done with our other kids. The prayer warriors. And Caleb. Was calm. And cooperative. Evidence that the Father hears our prayers.

Hmmm. If I have to pick a best day in the last month I have to go with October 13. We just spent time together and Ryan and I said “yes” a lot. We played putt putt. We got ice cream. We ate Snappy Tomato pizza and s’mores by a backyard campfire. We heated the pool and let everyone stay up way too late. And the kids got to sleep in a tent in the backyard! It was so fun!

The day that we officially became the Atkinson 7 was February 5, 2021. Nine months ago. I know that is a fact in my mind. But in my heart, well, these 5 have always been ours.

I am so proud of these amazing children. This last month I have thought so much about how thankful I am for each of them. And how thankful I am that they are thankful. Our children are thankful for things, but they are far more thankful for time. For relationships.

Life is so fleeting. There is nothing new under the sun. We are a vapor. It’s all true. So what’s the point of all these blessings? These moments. These relationships. It’s so simple. They are precious tools. God’s tools. And they are to be used for His glory.

P.S.- These precious girls, Riley and Graceyn, took Caleb out to dinner tonight. They actually took time out of their busy schedules to do this. Not just to have the idea. But to follow through. Not because it was easy. Not because it was convenient. Not because they had nothing else to do. But because they wanted to. Because they love him. Because they are investing in him through actual time and relationships. Thanks girls. You are blessing so many through your enormous hearts and love in action.