As I said, the first 72 hours after the trauma are critical. Some more swelling is expected. It is inevitable. The doctor just told me they are “supporting Silas as he swells while keeping him as safe as possible.”
He is swelling. The pressures are going up. Please pray for safety for Silas and continued wisdom for the doctors.
Our hearts desire is that all of you who read this know and love the Lord. If you have not had a chance to hear our Sweet Si’s testimony (how he came to know and love the Lord) scroll on down…
Thank you from the very bottom of our hearts for loving our sweet boy. Your love and prayers are strengthening all of us. I have read aloud several prayers to Si. He squeezed my hand for more.
Please continue to pray. He is stable. All his vitals look really good. We have gotten lots more hand squeezes but the doctors are keeping him heavily sedated for now. They do not want his brain to swell any more than it has to.
You all are such a blessing to us! Thank you for surrounding us. We feel the love deeply.
The doctors just came in. This is what they said..
1. The first 72 hours are critical with a traumatic brain injury. Lots can change. They are in constant watch for swelling and clots and increased bleeding.
2. Since he had the bolt still in his head to monitor pressure they also have to keep the ventilator in. So he will not be able to attempt talking for another day or two.
3. He is much more responsive today. He made good eye contact with both Ryan and I several times and squeezed our hands. He also held my hands hard and pulled them toward himself when he thought I was going to let go.
4. His latest CT scan showed clots and some evolution in the bleeding. They said that is to be expected.
5. The doctors feel good about him but say we are not out of the woods yet.
6. We have been praying over him so much and it is such a comfort to him. Many of you have sent prayers. Continue to and I will read them to him.
Please continue to pray for sweet Silas! Thank you all for loving him so much!!!
Last week our sweet Cheyenne said something so profound. “When people go through hard times they either turn to God or they turn away from Him. There is nothing in the middle.”
She is so right.
And here we are. Going through a very hard time as a family of 7. Our sweet Silas was involved in a freak accident at camp yesterday. He was hit by a tree. In the head.
Silas is unconscious and in the ICU. He has not spoken a word since that tree struck his head. He is not responding the way the doctors want him to. He has multiple skull fractures and blood clots in his head.
We are crying out to the Lord. Our friends and family are crying out to the Lord. We are begging for healing for Silas. We are begging for strength for all of us. And we are trusting. We are trusting that our Lord sees the big picture and is working all of this together for the good of those who love Him. And we do. And Silas does. Praise Jesus.
No matter what happens our boy is safe. He is secure. Nothing can pluck him out of our Father’s hands.
This week our precious Silas shared his testimony with our church and family and was baptized. Oh what a work the Lord has done. I can’t imagine sharing anything more meaningful….
“Hello. My name is Silas. Most of you know me and as you all know I am here to share my journey to Christ and His revelation of His loving sacrifice. And the ways he has brought me to His faith and love. And I myself realizing that I am a sinner in need of Christ’s salvation and his forgiveness. I have always grown up in church and as long as I have been alive my parents have been Christians and guided by Christ. They have always taught me the right and wrong of things and have tried their best to show me God’s will and loving sacrifice for me. Since I had grown up in church I knew all the classic bible stories: David and Goliath, Noah’s ark, Adam and Eve, Jesus dying on the cross and being raised again on the third day and many more. These were the things I needed to hear, but they were also the things I needed to take to heart and that was the part that I was missing. I had also always known the basics to becoming a Christian: realize I am a sinner, believe Jesus died and was raised again on the third day and know that I have no way to salvation accept through God.(John 14:6) But again I had never applied it to my life or taken it to heart, although I liked to hear about it. I remember when I was about 5 or 6 asking my mom and dad what happens after death, because I thought of it as just another bed time story. At the time I did not realize the true importance of the things my parents were trying to tell me.
One of the hugest factors to me realizing my own sin and need of salvation was my siblings. I have an older brother, Caleb, who I love very much. He has always been my big bro. Caleb has special needs, which I love. It is part of what makes him Caleb. I wouldn’t trade him for anything. He is the best. The only thing is, I never had any way to grow in maturity with Caleb being the way he is. Because although we were siblings, he was too sweet to argue or get in a fight. And although some people don’t need that to grow, I did. I am not saying that arguing or fighting is right, but it does help teach you selflessness and humility towards others.That all changed around the time I turned 11 when my parents asked me what I thought of fostering to adopt. At the time I was all in, but it wasn’t in an act of humility.I thought it would be an easy adjustment and I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I still remember the first time I saw my future siblings Collin,Alexa, and Cheyenne. I remember telling my mom “I am so exited!” I met them and I thought it was great. I played with them and tried to get to know them a little bit. When we left we didn’t really know what was going to happen. We soon found out. They were coming to spend a night at our house, and we were going to see how it went. Although they were shy we got them to open up and talk and we had a pretty good time. We did that a few times and then we found out that we would be their permanent placement. We were so happy. But when they came, they were heartbroken. They cried because they had been ripped from one family to another, which sadly had already happened to them a bunch of times. This is when I got my first real world example of true sadness and I wasn’t even the one in the situation! The first day they came was so sad.The girls wouldn’t stop crying, but Collin opened up to me pretty fast and I was surprised to see him not crying. But what I didn’t realize was he was going through so much more on the inside. The first few months were beyond hard for our fast growing family. I now realize that was my first actual trial. I remember coming to my parents many times crying and saying this is too hard. Their response was always with love and with care, but always ended with “this is what God has for us.” I didn’t understand how someone could keep on saying, “this is what God has for us” when times were so hard. My parents kept on urging me to read my bible and pray for God’s help which is what I did. And I truly believe God changed my heart and started to help me realize my own sin of selfishness and jealousy. I started having a daily scripture time and being in God’s Word which really helped me realize my own faults and helped me have a more focused mind on God during the day. When we adopted them it was a joy and a blessing. We became an official family even though we had already been one for a very long time.
After this hard time I looked back and took this all in. It was through this that I saw my own sin. Then, asking God for forgiveness and putting my faith in him. Which meant that after the “adoption” not just seeing my sin,but turning away from it. I realized that I should have been a better brother, son and most importantly a follower of Christ. And I understood that I am sinner in need of Christ and His salvation. I believe that Jesus died and was raised again on the third day. I believe and understand that Christ died for me so that my sin’s can be forgiven by him. And to live for Christ, is to serve him through my actions and in worshiping him.
It was through this huge 2 year trial that I learned that I am sinner in need of Christ and His forgiveness. That I cannot come to salvation without God’s Forgiveness. I am very blessed to be chosen by God. Praise the Lord!!”
Praise the Lord indeed. God is good. All the time.
We are very structured at our house. And I love that. We have schedules and systems and we thrive on them. Our children have snack times, reading times, meal times and bedtimes. Just to name a few. We have allowances, technology tickets and the simplest of all systems… a dinner bell!
I put a lot of time and energy into running our home as smoothly as possible. Because that’s what it takes.
But sometimes. None of it matters. Sometimes one of my children needs me to stop. To listen all the way. To hear their heart at the most “inconvenient” of times.
This week. One of my babies crumbled. All of the hurts came to the surface.
I never know when that is going to happen. It’s almost always unpredictable. It’s ALWAYS at the worst time.
I wish I could say that I stopped right away. Nope. Honestly, I didn’t even see it as an option. I had to make dinner. I had 7 people to feed.
But, it became obvious very quickly that it was the only option. To stop. To be completely still.
As I sat there, holding this sobbing child, all I could think about was that I was falling behind. That sounds so awful, but it’s true. But God is so very good. And in His goodness, I quickly identified that this was exactly where the Lord had me. And I settled in.
I begged the Lord for wisdom. I begged Him for words. And he supplied. He always does. When we ask in faith.
I was able to point this sweet child right to Christ. We talked about His great love for us. We talked about how He guides our steps and numbers our days. We talked about trusting in Him and trusting where He has us. We talked about how we want control so badly. And that’s not ok. God is in control. It doesn’t matter what we want or what we would have done differently. It only matters what God has done, what He is doing and what He will continue to do. Because only He sees the big picture. The whole picture. The eternal picture.
Dinner was late that night. I wasn’t able to prep for the next day in quite the same way. And I am so thankful. That His plans are not my plans. That His ways are not my ways.
Over an hour later we were walking down the stairs hand in hand. Feeling closer than ever before. Growing up and growing in our faith can be so painful. And so beautiful.
I am so thankful that I did stop, even if it did take my mind a bit longer than my body. I am so thankful for my God’s continuous patience with me. But I learned something that day. I learned that I have to keep my ministry lenses on at all times. In the world. In my home. Everywhere. My hearts desire is to shine my light for Jesus wherever I go. So, my sweet family should feel the warmth of that light all the time. They should be basking in it.
The summer before Caleb started 4th grade I got a devastating phone call. His precious teacher, Miss Rosie, was leaving. She was calling to tell me that she would not be his teacher the following year. I was crushed. So was she. I got off the phone and bawled. Mostly because it felt so personal. She was one of our people. How could she leave us?
And that same story has happened again and again. With all of my children. And with me too. Teachers, coaches, therapists, friends… they come and they go. And it often feels personal. It often feels like they are trying to hurt us.
They are almost always not. .
Life has seasons. People have to do what is best for their life and their circumstances and their families. Sadly, a promotion or a move, that is a blessing to them, is often crushing to us.
But, God is in all of that. He is in every detail. When the good Lord allows a beautiful relationship in our life, or in the life of someone we love, we should enjoy it. We should be thankful that the Lord brought them alongside. And see it for the blessing that it is. Even if it is just for a season.
God has grown me so much. He uses blessings and trials. He uses his Word and other believers. He uses prayer. He uses it all.
I am now able to see those who are coming alongside as a blessing. I don’t worry so much about if or when they will go. I really just enjoy the stay.
So today, I just want to say thank you. To those who have chosen to come alongside. They do little things and they do big things. And it all means so much.
I am so thankful for our people. I hope that I am a “people” for other people. That way we are all just spreading the love back and forth and sideways. And hopefully, in the process, we are pointing this lost and broken world right to Christ.
This week I have felt extra thankful for our seasonal people. The people that are just coming alongside us for a time. And we all know it. But they are such a huge part of the Lord’s goodness to me.
I have to share two examples. And they are both Caleb-related. But that’s ok. As we all know, the Lord is constantly teaching me through Caleb. And through his great and consistent provision for that sweet boy.
Meet Leanne. This sweet girl has met a need. Again and again. With love and sacrifice and joy. I’m sure most of you have heard of Young Life. Well, there is an extra-special program for God’s extra special creations called Young Life Capernaum. Caleb loves “Life” so much. He always wants to go. And Leanne has made that possible again and again. She ALWAYS texts me a few days before a meeting with all the pertinent details. She makes sure that Caleb knows how much he is wanted there. She picks him up and brings him home. She sends photos and videos so that I can be a fly on the wall. This week when I got her text I immediately had a lump in my throat. Because of God’s provision. Because of Leanne’s love for Caleb and her willingness to get it done. When I simply could not.
Meet Coach Doucette. Caleb adores him. Words simply cannot express the great love that this unlikely duo have for each other. Coach Cet (as Caleb calls him) is a football coach at Farragut High School. He is big and tough and intimidating…. and obviously has a heart of gold. He comes to see Caleb in has classroom several times a day. And Caleb goes to see him in PE and often “helps” him with lunch duty. What a dynamic duo. When someone hurts Caleb, they have hurt Coach Cet. That is how protective he is of our sweet boy. I am so thankful for this man and that he sees how special Caleb is. Coach has reminded me that Caleb has always been loved and cared for and protected so big. God has always provided and He always will. That is obvious.
This week I have thought so much about all those who have come alongside us. I am so thankful for each and every one of them. I was reminded to look for opportunities to come alongside others. Even if it seems tiny. Even if it seems meaningless. It really never is.
That day. The phone call with Miss Rosie. I was at swim practice. A fellow swim mom saw me crying. We barely knew each other but she took the time to care. She shouldered the burden with me that day. And it made it all the more bearable. In the Lord’s goodness. And you know what, that sweet friend is still shouldering burdens with me. Turns out, she came alongside and stayed there.
Sidenote: I just HAD to share this. This is the moment just after Caleb’s name had been called to come on stage at “Life”….
It’s been a week. And as always, it was exactly what the Lord had for us.
Parenting is so so so hard. In all the phases. From newborns not sleeping to teenagers trying to gain independence. Then, your children are adults who still need parents…. although they might not admit that.
One of the hardest parts of parenting for me is when my children experience hard things. I just want them to have a perfect life full of sunflowers and happiness. Maybe a little cheering team on the sidelines. Is that too much to ask?
The good Lord tells us in his Word that we WILL experience trials. Not MIGHT. WILL. As we walk with our children through trials, the goal is to point them to God. To His Word. To His plan.
Every child is so different. All 5 of my children are SO different. Three of my children experienced significant hard things this week.
My sweet girls. Are so sad. Chey’s hamster, Prince Sniffy, died last night. Very unexpectedly and very quickly. We still don’t know why. We probably never will. It has been so hard on both the girls. And you know what? It has been so hard on me too. And on Ryan. Because we have to help them absorb the blow. We have to make it bearable for them. And we have to use this and all hard things to point them to Christ. It’s a lot to navigate. But, we have done okay. We have done a lot of praying. A lot of snuggling. And a lot of laughing and crying. Often at the same time. Already I can see that the Lord is using this to knit all of our hearts together. Even more.
Caleb. Is the sweetest. He is so innocent. So vulnerable. This week someone hurt him. But he didn’t even know it. And that is the beauty of Caleb. He is so kind. So loving. So assuming the best. In the Lord’s goodness, he has surrounded Caleb with the fiercest of protectors. And I’m so thankful, because it’s necessary. And we, his protectors, have absorbed this blow for him. And it was so painful. It hurt all of our hearts.
Caleb’s fierce protectors, you know who you are: Thank you for caring about Caleb and for standing up for him. Thank you for making sure that he is safe. Thank you for getting help. But it is time to forgive. Caleb is ok. Better than ok actually. You all made sure of that. And I am so very thankful for each and every one of you.
God has brought this scripture to my mind again and again. And I know why. Because I am tempted to be angry. I am tempted to judge. I am tempted to think that I am better or that my sin is less. But it’s not. It’s just that Jesus paid it all. He absorbed the entire blow for all of our sin, that we would ever commit…..
3 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8 This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.
Many of you know that I ran a marathon on March 27th. My first to be exact. You may know because you have heard me talk about my training for the last 4 months. You may know because you committed to pray for me on race day. You may know because you saw me sporting my “Marathon runner” shirt every day for the last week. You may know because you got behind me in car-line and were forced to see my “Knoxville marathon 26.2” window sticker. Or you may know because one of my proud family members told you. My dad literally bought me a plaque. Yep. No joke.
I have been processing the experience. I actually thought a lot about what I would write while I was running the race. And I had a lot of time to think. That is for sure.
So I have to start by saying I trained hard. So hard. I ran every prescribed long run and most of the runs in between. I stretched like a champ, before and after. I was terrified that I would get injured. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I focused on nutrition. I cross trained. I got all the gear. I picked my race day shirt (a mama bear with 5 cubs…. so adorable!!!!). And I planned. I made lists and schedules. I even figured out what time I would be at each mile marker…. and my family marveled when I was almost exactly right!
I was ready.
And when I look back on the last 4 months I am so thankful for my training. I am thankful I prioritized it. I am thankful for a healthy body. That really is a blessing straight from the Lord that I take for granted daily. I am thankful for my family and friends that stood by me. Some literally. Some from afar. They prayed for me. They encouraged me. They were so excited for me.
I finished the race. And I finished pretty much when I expected that I would. But, I did not finish how I thought I would. Which was basically feeling like death. If not for my training and my people, I am confident that I would not have finished at all.
Despite the very best laid plans, two critical elements did not go as planned. First of all, I forgot my phone. That meant no music, no podcasts and no communication with my people. When that harsh reality hit, I had to mourn the loss. And keep running. Second, I could not stomach my nutrition. For those of you who don’t know much about distance running, nutrition is a big deal. You have to fuel your body during the long runs. During my training runs I used “gu” and fitness water. Well, on my last long training run I got a stomach bug. I did not think about the aversion to gu and fitness water that would induce. So, on race day, the very thought of those things made me physically ill. So, I ate almost nothing. And I drank almost nothing.
The wall. People who know anything about marathons ask me about it…. “Did you hit the wall?” Oh yes I did. With a vengeance. But it was not when I expected. I hit the wall at mile 25. Mile 25! How can that be?! But it be. I could not believe the mental and physical battle that ensued at mile marker 25. My mind was on a reel. “Just stop. Just sit down. 25 miles is far enough. You have basically done it.” My legs weighed a thousand pounds. Obviously that is an exaggeration. Realistically, probably more like 900. And that mile is so desolate. Especially going over the bridge. The only human I saw was one lone photographer whose only goal in life was to take the worst possible picture of me. Seriously, I’m not even kidding. When I saw it I was like “Why did no one tell me that I am hideous?! I’ve just been walking around without a clue!” Silas assured me that is not what I actually look like. Yeesh. I don’t know what to think.
But then there was the bright side. There always is one right? That silver lining. I can honestly say I experienced my first marathon to the fullest. I honestly think I remember every step. I gave all the little ones cheering along the course a high five. I read every sign. My favorite was the one at mile 19 that said “Turn back! It’s a trap!” I laughed out loud at that. I loved seeing my people. My family was at mile 13, mile 21 and at the finish. I COULD NOT WAIT to see their sweet faces and boy did they meet and exceed my expectations. They were cheering, they were smiling, they were high fiving, they had signs. It was so amazing! I also absolutely loved being apart of the Crossway Bible Church relay team. They were so very encouraging to me. I got to see Jennifer Fee, Kellie Evans and my sweet Silas during the course of the race. Each of those interactions was so timely. So exactly what I needed.I saw Si at mile 13 when he was waiting for his baton and mile 16 when he passed me. But when he stepped off the sidelines at mile 26.1. Well, he was a gift straight from the Lord. He ran me home. I’m not sure what I would have done without his words of encouragement right in my ear.
As I have processed my first marathon experience, I realized how beautifully it demonstrates what our lives as believers should be. We have to be faithful to be faithful. Everyday. We have to be disciplined. We have to put in the hard work of training our minds. We have to be in God’s Word daily. To be in prayer daily. To be in fellowship with other believers within a solid Bible-teaching church regularly. If we do those things, we are equipped. To run the race with endurance.
When hard times come. When things don’t go as planned. When we hit the wall. We can carry on. Because we have done all that God has called us to do. And we are ready.
When my dear little Alexa hears someone say to me something like, “Congrats on your marathon! 26 miles is far!” She is always sure to say, “26 POINT 2 miles. The point 2 is the hardest.”
And she is right. That’s the part where all your strength is gone. There is nothing left to do but trust in the Lord. And keep going. Because only He decides when our work here is done. On that beautiful day, when He calls us home.
A hard day feels like the worst day. Often, a hard day does not stand alone. It reaches over and grabs the days next to it. Sometimes it even turns into a hard season.
Looking back at those days can be so good. So powerful. We remember to be thankful. We remember that God was with us the whole time. He never, not once, left us alone.
You know that old saying “A picture says a thousand words.” This one truly does.
Summer 2019
When I look at those faces I see a story. I see what led us to that moment. Not just that morning. Although I remember it exactly. I see the years that led up to it. I see what led to one little boy’s damaged heart.
When I look at myself in that photo I see weariness. I was so tired. I had absolutely no idea what to do about this vicious cycle of rages and coming down from rages. I was just beginning to identify some of the triggers but there were just so many. And they were often unavoidable.
In the Lord’s goodness, I had hope. I knew that He would give us wisdom. Moment by moment. I learned that post-rage was often the best time for connection. There was a vulnerability in both of us that allowed for it deeply.
When I look at that photo I am reminded that there is always hope. Always. When the circumstances seem impossible, they never are. Because our God is so big, so strong and so mighty. There is nothing our God cannot do.
And He tells us what to do…. To press on. To seek wisdom. To love big. To give more than we receive. To be kind. To consider one another as more important than ourselves. To keep no record of wrongs….. And as you know, the list goes on an on.
He will always do His part. And He calls us to do our part.
You might be wondering why I happened to have a professional photographer in my backyard in the early morning hours. You might be wondering how such a vulnerable moment could be captured. Well, that’s something else I remember when I look at that photo. Godly friendships.
What a blessing it is to have friends that see you, that want to see you, in all the ways. They see you when you look and feel your best. They see you when you look and feel your worst. And they love you just the same.
When I look at that photo, at those faces, at those hands holding, I remember to be thankful for the hard days.
P.S. – Thank you sweet Carrie for sending me that photo out of the clear blue sky. It was so timely. I wanted to share a photo of you but of course you are ALWAYS behind the camera. We will have to remedy that! But, here is me hugging Lizzy to death!
Sunshine Soldier 