Give Me a Sign

It’s funny what triggers memories. And those memories were inside of seasons. We have all been through so many and there will be so many more. I’m so thankful for the Lord and His saving grace. I am so thankful for his patience. I am so thankful that He is always with me. I am never alone. I am never abandoned. Isolation is always a choice.

When Caleb was a baby, so many hard things were happening. I couldn’t seem to process any of it. Looking back at that season, I feel so sorry for myself. I was so ill-equipped. So isolated. And I was the author of my own demise.

Obviously, my circumstances were hard. It’s understandable that they felt hard. But God equips us for the hard. For the trials. He promises that in His word. And he never ever breaks his promises. He tells us that in His word too.

God does such a work in our hearts to lead us to salvation. Then he continues to work in our hearts through the Holy Spirit, through His word, through prayer, through other believers. So that we can be more like Jesus. But we have to do our part. As far as it depends on us.

In those early Caleb years, I prayed. But only for my own way. I never prayed that the Lord would do a work in me. I never prayed that He would use my circumstances for His glory. I prayed for a sign. I prayed that God would heal Caleb so that he could have the life that I knew he deserved.

I had relationships. But they were not deep. I was not asking for wisdom or accountability. I just wanted people to tell me that it would all work out. That I would get my way.

For those of you who know our family and Caleb, I know you are rejoicing with me. That I did not get my way. The Lord knew. He always did. Since the very beginning of time.