People who know me well know about my cards. Basically, I have an index card for every day of the year. I write a sentence or two each day about something interesting that happened. I started in 2007. It is the coolest thing! If there is ever a fire, I will get my people, my dog and my box of cards. I love reading through all those memories. Mostly, the card takes me right back. But sometimes, I have no recollection at all.
I just looked at my card for today in 2020. It says, “Cheyenne made fried okra in the air fryer. She was so proud of herself! We all loved it.” This day in 2019 the card talks about the 7 of us going to a birthday party together. In 2018. It was just the four of us. And every year before that too. It’s bittersweet. Those were such precious times for our sweet little family of four. But now, I also feel sad. What were Chey, Collin and Alexa doing on this day in 2018? Or in 2017? Or in 2016? And on and on. Alexa turned 1 and we weren’t there. Collin started Kindergarten and we weren’t there. Cheyenne lost her first tooth and we weren’t there. There is no making up for any of that.
I think the hardest part for me is that for a lot of that time they really didn’t belong. They were in foster care. By definition, it is temporary. They went from home to home. They were the Spencer kids. They weren’t in anyone’s family photos. They weren’t in anyone’s family at all.
Then, in God’s provision, these precious 3 landed with us. We wanted them to feel a part of our family immediately. But that’s just not how it works. It takes time. So really, they still didn’t belong. At least not in their own hearts.
It was a slow progression. I remember when they each first started referring to Caleb and Silas as “my brother.” Then, they started referring to Ryan and I as mom and dad. They wouldn’t say it to us but they would say it about us. Precious. They seemed more and more settled. There was less and less anxious energy. Less and less angry outbursts. Less and less tummy aches. Especially after the first year. They knew what to expect for Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays. We started hearing a lot of “We see our cousins at Christmas.” or “We get birthday waffles on our birthday” or “We celebrate Thanksgiving with both sets of our grandparents all together.” They felt the freedom and the comfort to use words like “We” and “Our”. What a blessing. One that most of us take for granted. Daily.
Earlier this week I came outside looking for Alexa. She was in the yard next door talking to our sweet neighbor Amy. They were looking at Amy’s sunflowers together. They didn’t see me so I just stood and watched. It was just so sweet. Alexa is completely settled in our home. She is settled with our neighbors. She feels so safe. She belongs. She came running down the hill saying, “Mom! Aren’t Amy’s sunflowers so pretty. She says I can grow some too! Me and Amy love talking about nature together. Because we both love it.”
And Cheyenne and Collin are just the same. They are all so settled. They love being Atkinsons. They love having grandparents. They love taking family vacations. They love doing anything as a family. They love talking about their family to anyone who will listen. They love our neighbors. They love our church. Because it is all theirs to claim. And that’s a big deal. A really big deal.
So, we are a lot. There are 7 of us. That’s a lot. Our children are really well-behaved in my opinion but it’s still just a lot of people. And Caleb. Is a mess. A huge mess. So, when we get invited anywhere it’s always kind of shocking. When our new friends, the Garys, invited us to dinner last night I was so excited! And with good reason, we had the best time. But, we are all just getting to know each other. This question from them made my night, “So, I know some of your kids are adopted. Which ones? We can’t tell at all.”
Every member of the Atkinson 7 has a place to belong. A family. God gave us to one another. For life. What a gift.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” — James 1:17
Sunshine Soldier 