I love shirts with words. If I am going to wear a T-shirt, it may as well say something. “Blessed Mama”, “Hello Sunshine”, “Be Kind”, “Sunshine and Coffee”, “Hustle and Shine”, “Optimist”, “Happy Camper”…. and so many more. I don’t think I could ever get enough.
My newest shirt says “Chaos Coordinator.” Yes! Exactly! That is so my life.
I was interviewed over a year ago by Leslie Holmes from Childhelp (the foster care organization we used). She wanted to hear all the things about how our family was functioning. When she published the article based on that interview she titled it “Calming Chaos.”
That hit me. It’s a process. It wasn’t called “Calmed Chaos.”
God is so big. I absolutely cannot believe what He has done. We have our moments for sure, but mostly our home is not chaos. Not even close. And that was a process.
So, because I think it’s fascinating, I thought you might be interested as well. Practically, what did this process look like.
I have to start with food. Because it felt so big. I had been warned about children from foster care and their obsession with food. Oh. My. Word. It was next level. Cheyenne, Collin and Alexa wanted to eat constantly. They were constantly “starving.” And they were picky. I was talking about food all day.
I really try to be honest with you guys. I don’t want to leave out pertinent nuggets. So, I think it’s important that you know that I had an eating disorder for many years. It was pretty bad and extremely consuming. But, through God’s goodness, I no longer struggle in that area. I have a mostly healthy view of food. I try to think in terms of what will fuel my body with some treats thrown in here and there. I rarely weigh. In fact, I haven’t stepped on a scale in at least 6 months. I used to weigh 5 times a day. I used to sneak a scale on vacation. I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea.
Have I mentioned that I went from 2 to 5 kids overnight? Overnight. I still can’t believe that. And I experienced it. I wanted all 5 of my children to feel loved and cared for. But this food thing. Was not sustainable.
My Fab 5 have been so patient with me. And they have taught me so much. They have taught me that what they want is the truth. They learn best that way.
So, I explained food to them. I explained that food is mostly fuel with fun treats every so often. I told them that begging for food was over. Keep in mind they had built up a bit of trust in me by this point. And they cared that I was always in the kitchen and falling behind in every other way. I set up a schedule with 3 meal times and 1 snack time. For breakfast they had a few choices. I always told them the one I would choose and the one that would help them feel fullest. They chose what they chose but understood there would be no food until lunch. Then for lunch, they got 1 main thing and 2 sides. There was a list of choices. I offered my advice but ultimately they were the ones that had to make it until snack time. Then, came the 3 o’clock snack. I think you get the idea. Oh. And dinner. Was on their plate. No choices.
I’m sure you can imagine. It was not easy. 20 minutes after a meal or snack they would be “starving.” And it had to be a process. I had to be patient and gracious. I could not be rigid. Because food is often a trigger for foster children. And that was certainly true in our home. But, in the Lord’s goodness, our children were receptive. And they appreciated the structure. Eventually when children would complain about being hungry after a snack or meal I could say, “Oh. I’m sorry. Lesson learned. I guess you’ll choose more wisely next time.” And that child would agree.
I am a student of my children. I pay attention. We make adjustments as they grow or when they are even more active than usual. Sometimes they need larger portions. Sometimes I can see that they really are starving an hour before dinner and I will offer a super healthy snack or let them eat their salad early. I love them so much and I truly want them to be fueled for life.
I hope my intention is clear to you. I am most definitely not an expert. But I have learned a lot. And I have a lot more to learn.
Stay tuned for “Chaos Coordinator- Part 2″….
Sunshine Soldier 