Can I have 2 cookies?

I love to be happy. I love to make other people happy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Or is there? For me it can often become an idol.

My children are happy a lot of the time. They are not happy all of the time. And they shouldn’t be. It’s not even what’s best for them.

I was at the gym. I overhead two ladies talking about their grown children. Well, they were mostly complaining. The complaint. Their children are entitled. They expect everything. They don’t want to work for it.

When Ryan and I were young parents we had so little. We could live but that was it. There was no money for extras. And that was the beginning for Caleb and Silas. I don’t remember ever telling them not to ask for things. I think they just knew. It was pretty obvious.

Through God’s goodness and provision, Ryan got a really good job. It fell in his lap. In time, we were able to move to a nice house in a nice neighborhood. We could buy some extras. We even put in a pool. And that is when we looked at one another and realized we could do more. We opened our home to foster care.

I’m not sure what we were expecting. I definitely was not expecting 3 children. I most definitely was not expecting 3 entitled children.

So, before I go on I need to make sure we all understand something. I am very protective of my children. They all, all 5 of them, have their own stories. There is a lot of hard in those stories. And there is a lot I can’t share because it is theirs to tell. But, there are so many things that we are learning together. Things that my Fab 5 are happy to share. I wouldn’t say a word otherwise. I need them to trust me. They need a mama that they can trust. A mama that has their back.

I remember the first time I took all of my children to the store together. Costco. It started the minute we walked in. “Blankets! Can I have a blanket? TVs! Can we get a new TV? Goggles! Can I get goggles?” My head was spinning. I wanted Cheyenne and Collin and Alexa to like me. I wanted them to feel cared for.

When we left that day I felt defeated. I had said yes to some things that I really didn’t feel good about and they still weren’t happy. Because of all the things they didn’t get. At home I was unloading the box of giant cookies that I was pressured into buying. Alexa said, “Can I have a cookie?” It was an hour before dinner. I wanted to sit down and have a good cry. I was just so weary. I said, “Yes. You can have a cookie.” She said, “Well, then can I have 2 cookies?” And then it hit me.

These children were entitled. They expected everything. They were grateful for nothing. When I gave into them it did not make them happy. Not even for a moment. In fact, they did not even feel cared for.

I learned that day that “Yes” was not making them happy. And it certainly wasn’t making me happy. That realization gave me the freedom to say “No” with confidence and in love. In the beginning, every “No” came with an explanation. “No Alexa. You can’t have a cookie. I love you and I want your body to get what it needs to be healthy a strong. Cookies are a treat that we will have on occasion.” “No Collin. I know you want to look at a screen but that is not what is best for you. Your body needs activity and it is beautiful outside. I love you and I want you to experience all God has made.” “No Cheyenne. You can’t sit with the adults. We are having adult conversation. You need to go play with other kids. Friends are a gift from the Lord.” Oh Ya’ll. It was so rough at first. I had some miserable children. I remember Collin laying at my feet in the kitchen floor… “Please. Please let me look at a screen.” All day. For days and days. It was so so so hard.

As with most things in life, it was a process. But boy have we made progress. I would no longer describe any of my children as “Entitled.” They say please. They say thank you. It means something to them when someone chooses to give them something or spend time with them. They no longer beg for cookies and screens. We have a very practical system for earning money so that they can save and buy things that they really want.

A prime example: Cheyenne. Precious Cheyenne. She used to ask for absolutely everything. And she appreciated nothing. I can’t even believe I just typed those words. Because that is not our girl now. She is so grateful and kind. And she loves to give. She has been saving her money for the last few months. There were things she wanted and didn’t buy. Do you know what she did with her money? She bought me a $79 Pandora charm that says “Moments spent with you are my favorite.”

I think I will say this again and again…. We have a long road ahead. But our Lord will give us all we need. He will give us the energy. He will give us the wisdom. He will give us the love so that we can pour it right back out. We just have to stay the course. The course that is laid out in His Word.