What’s the plan? People are always asking me that. The question comes in a variety of ways. In different combinations of words. Or it’s sandwiched in the middle of a conversation. “What’s the plan for Caleb?” “Will he live with you forever?” “What will he do after you guys are gone?” “Will he get a job one day?” “Will he live in a group home?”
Good questions.
And actually, those questions don’t bother me. They really are good questions. And I am always open to questions. It helps us know each other better. Understand each other better. Love each other better.
The plan is not clear to me. I am so thankful that our Lord has had the plan since the beginning of time. Of course, we have to do our part, as far as it depends on us.
Seven years ago we moved to our house in Village Green (shout out to VG!!!! ) We knew it would be a great place to raise children. But we also knew it would give us options for Caleb in the future. The current “Fab 5 room” could easily be turned into an apartment for him. There are several employment options within walking distance and there are sidewalks to get to them. There are parks and pools in the neighborhood to keep Caleb social and active.
One of Caleb’s favorite activities (when he can’t swim) is swinging. He spends hours swinging on his little wooden swing that hangs from the big tree in our front yard. He can watch his siblings and neighbors play. He feels a part of what they are doing even when it is something that he cannot do. He finds real joy in watching them be happy. He also loves his swing because of all the people that go by. He gets to see our neighbors come and go. Our neighborhood is a great place to exercise. So, he also sees a lot of walkers and runners and bikers. And a lot of them know his name and yell “Hi Caleb!” as they go past. Our house also happens to be on the dogwood trail. So for the last few weeks especially he has gotten to wave to lots of people passing by.
Then there is the Village Green Swim Team. Have I mentioned that my spirit decade is the 1950s? Swim team is straight out of that decade. Kids ride their bikes to swim practice. So cool! BEST. COACHES. EVER. They are so so so encouraging. They are all about each swimmer gaining confidence and getting faster in the process. And the other swimmers. Amazing. They take cues from their coaches and are so kind and encouraging. Winning is NOT the most important thing about being a VG gator. Good character is. Swim team has been an amazing source of connection for Caleb. The coaches and swimmers and parents absolutely love him! When he swims a race so many people are cheering. And they don’t stop. For 3 minutes. Yep. That is how long it takes Caleb to swim a race. I am so thankful for God’s provision of swim team. What a bonus blessing. I can’t tell you how much it has encouraged my children and me as a mom.
Our children. We are doing our best to train our children to LOVE ONE ANOTHER. And they do. More today than yesterday. Certainly more than last week and last year. It is growing all the time. As they learn what love really means. As they learn to put one another above themselves. Silas, Cheyenne, Collin and Alexa all understand that Caleb needs special care. They know he needs it now and that he will need it in the future. They get it. They are all here for him now. They all want to be there for him in the future. You would not believe the real life conversations we have in this house regarding Caleb. My heart. Sometimes I feel like it will swell out of my chest. I am so thankful for each of my Fabulous 5 and the amazing hearts that our sweet Lord gave them.
Silas. Oh my. He is so so so protective of Caleb. He is always looking out for him. Just recently he was telling me how proud he has always been of Caleb. He has loved bragging on his special brother. He has helped with Caleb for as long as I can remember. He put on leg braces, tied his shoes, helped him get dressed, pulled him in wagons and on sleds. When he was 4 years old he told me not to worry because he would take care of Caleb when we were gone. Then, when he was 10 he asked if he could talk to me privately. He wanted to be clear that he would like to buy our house when we are old so that Caleb can stay put and be with him. He felt it was important that Caleb not have to transition any more than necessary after losing his parents. And of course he would need to be able to swim. He was 10!
Cheyenne. Sweet girl. You might remember that she wants to be a therapist one day. Just this week she and Caleb were sitting at the kitchen island while I cooked dinner. Caleb said, “Chey, mind you sharpen my pencil?” She said, “I will show you how to sharpen your pencil. You can learn to do it yourself. Then you will be able to sharpen it whenever you need to.” And she did. And he did. Precious. Also, this week Chey and I were talking and Caleb came in the room with a bag “packed.” He said, ” I go out of town. I pack my bag. I have blocks and a blanket. Tell me bye.” We both yelled bye very dramatically. Then she looked at me and said, ” I am so glad that Caleb will live with Silas or me or Collin or Alexa because he probably really would pack a bag with just blocks and a blanket then get right in the car with a stranger.”
Collin. Just now he saw that I was working on my blog. He said, “What are you writing about mom?” I said, “Well, it is about the plan for Caleb. For his future.” He said, “Oh mom! Don’t read it to Caleb! I want it to be a surprise!” Collin wants Caleb to be happy. Collin loves it when he can make Caleb happy. Just a few days ago he and Caleb were playing together in Collin and Si’s room. All was well for a long time. Then I heard a frantic “Mom!!! I need you!” I ran upstairs and Collin was standing on the ladder that goes to his loft bed. Caleb was trapped on the loft bed and was trying to get down. Collin was trying to help him. Caleb weighs 140 pounds. Collin weighs 50 pounds. Not gonna work. Somehow Collin had gotten Caleb up there because “it would make him so happy.” Last week, Collin made a crown for Caleb. Because “he is the best.” Collin is excited about Caleb being an uncle to his own kids one day. He sees Caleb as a steadfast presence in his life for forever.
Alexa. Little Mama. She will do all the things and is happy to do them. She will wipe Caleb’s face. She will pull up the back of his shorts when his bum is hanging out. She will unpack his backpack and do his homework with him. She will make his dinner plate. All the things. She thinks Caleb is so perfect just the way he is. One day, Collin was talking about how he is going to work with Caleb on his “yes being yes and his no being no. (Matthew 5:37)” Alexa said, “Collin! Why would you say that?! He is just perfect the way he is!” On Easter Sunday, Alexa and Caleb swam together in the pool for hours (not unusual). At some point, she ran over to me and said, “Mom! Caleb just made my Easter! We were playing baby and he kissed me on the cheek! It was so sweet! He has never kissed me on the cheek! He bit me a little but he can’t help it because his teeth stick out.” Precious girl. She even had a little bite mark on her cheek but she didn’t care. She loves Caleb too much to even notice.
We have never asked or insinuated that our children be responsible for Caleb. We have asked that they love each other and that they look out for each other. But, in God’s provision, they do feel a sense of responsibility for their sweet brother. We have a long road ahead. All of our Fab 5 will grow and change. Spouses and children will come into the picture. But guess what…. God knows all that. And he will provide. He will make a way. He will work all things together exactly as he intended. For now, I am watching as sweet Caleb basks in the glow of the love he feels from those around him. And I am praying that he will always be supported and surrounded by people who know and love him.
Sunshine Soldier 