Wow. I really can’t believe it. Silas is 13. Of course, we already had a teenager. Sweet Caleb is 15 1/2. Even though Caleb is not “typical” the teenage years have been different even with him.
I wasn’t really planning on writing about this but oh well. Warning: Rabbit Trail. A few years ago a lady came to our home to tell me about resources for families of the intellectually disabled. It turned out to be quite a devastating visit. She basically told me there was nothing for us and to check back when Caleb turned 18. But that wasn’t the devastating part. That came when she informed me that once an intellectually disabled child becomes a teenager, they often become aggressive and their parents can no longer care for them. I was crushed. The minute she left guess what I did? I called Dr. Glover’s office and asked to see him.
That was definitely the right call. Dr. Glover. One of God’s enormous provisions. I needed wisdom and I knew just where to find it. He sat down like an old friend and we just talked. He said something like this, “When any boy becomes a teenager his sin issues are now fueled by testosterone. If a child has struggled with anger that is now fueled by testoterone and they can become aggressive. We both know Caleb’s sin issue has been self-control. Well guess what Mama? That is now fueled by testosterone. But you’ve got this. God will give you everything you need.” Phew. That has definitely been the case. Caleb has struggled with self-control and God has given us everything we need. Day by day.
Silas. So steadfast. God has been so gracious to us with this sweet boy. From birth, he has never been the baby. From the beginning, he put himself after Caleb. He prioritized his brother’s needs above his own. He has been a support, a protector, an encourager. Then, when he was 11 he embraced 3 new siblings. And he put their needs above his own. He gave up his sweet huge room with it’s own bathroom and gave it to his sisters (because it didn’t make sense for them to share a bathroom with Caleb). He moved down the hall to share a much smaller room with Collin. He didn’t complain. Not once. He went from sharing his parents with one sibling to sharing his parents with four siblings. He didn’t complain. Not once. It was hard for him. A real struggle. But he dealt with it all with such grace and maturity.
Silas is the leader of our children. His 4 siblings look up to him. They take their cues from him. He gets that and he works hard to be worthy of that honor. He takes the responsibility of big brother very seriously. He is very comfortable showing all of them love and affection. He tells them he loves them every day, usually with a hug. Alexa especially needs that. When Silas hugs her she often won’t let go. She says, “Keep hugging me Silas!” And he does.
Silas has always looked for people to look up to. As he was approaching his teenage years he started noticing other teenagers. He talked to me a lot about things that he was seeing in them. Mostly attitudes. He saw so many sweet kids turn into disrespectful teenagers. He was perplexed. We talked about it a lot. He was determined that his hormones and desire for independence would be covered in love and self-control.
Silas is doing everything he can, as far as it depends on him, to live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). He knows the teen years will have challenges and he wants to be ready. He reads his Bible every day and is always memorizing scripture. He asks Ryan and I periodically if we are noticing any sin patterns in his life. When we confront him about sin he takes it with humility. Silas loves being with our church family. He loves learning about God’s word together. His favorite activity of the week is small group because he can gain a better understanding of what was taught from the pulpit on Sunday. So precious.
Ryan is reading a book called “Age of Opportunity” by Paul Tripp. It is about what an important time the teen years are. It is the time to teach them well. Deeper. It is not a time to just survive. It is a time to thrive. That perspective has been so helpful to all of us. Silas and Ryan both love God’s word so much. So now they are diving deep together, as father and son.
Silas trusts us and I am so so so thankful for that. Even when he doesn’t love our decisions he knows our hearts. He knows we are seeking wisdom and discernment. He knows we love him and that we are always trying to do what is best for him.
For his 13th birthday, do you know what he asked to do? He asked to spend a whole day with Ryan and I hiking Mount LeConte then going to dinner together. Instead of a present! Sweet boy!
Writing about Silas feels a lot like bragging. Please understand this very clearly. Ryan and I get no points for Silas. He has always had such a tender and teachable and special way. From the beginning, God has used having a brother with special needs in such a mighty way in his heart and life. He comes at the world with the Silas Atkinson perspective. Only he has it. And boy is God using it.
https://youtu.be/VBsDhgV5xXI– Silas caring for Caleb way back then. 🙂
Sunshine Soldier 